Ah, The mysteries of the male mind!
Through the centuries, much has been written about the complexity of the feminine mind, forgetting how mysterious men can be. (Suffice to say, most of the writers were men!)
How often has male behavior left us perplexed? We cry over how men think and how to find love with men. How many tears have we shed over all their contradictions?
Never mind! Enough is enough. All that matters now is that we learn how to get to know and understand the men we meet, so read and learn to enjoy what I have to tell you.
“Subtle” references to differences between men and women abound in John Gray’s “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”.
According to Gray…
Men embody a warrior state, like Mars: wild, primitive, action-oriented, full of power and skill.
Women embody a sensitive, amorous essence, like Venus: empathic, communicative more harmonious than efficient, and creative.
Mars is full of artists, painters, psychologists, educators, nurses …Men with empathy and creativity.
Venus is full of business leaders, soldiers, police, athletes, politicians … Women of action and power. (Note : Men do dominate these jobs, but is this because women are intrinsically “sweet” or is it that women lack access to these types of jobs? It’s worth thinking about and researching.)
But despite the contradictions listed above, we cannot deny our biological differences! They do exist.
However, what they mean may be different from what Gray says and what you think.
The Biological Differences
Nature bestowed upon us biological differences, and even though they make life suck for women once a month, these biological differences do not affect personality.
It’s not me who is saying this:
And here’s another little bonus that proves everything and its opposite: http://news.discovery.com/human/life/science-behind-gender-differences-130528.htm
Yet the gender idea is constantly pushed upon the public and has been recognized for some time in the sciences: anthropological, biological, sociological, and on and on.
Guys and “This” Guy
The biggest mistake found in “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus ” stems from reducing people to gender.
If that reduction proves true, that means gender becomes nothing more than a representative of stereotypes. If that’s the case, then it’s ok to attribute certain qualities —-like being protective or balanced—- to each male. That also means that we could attribute all the negative gender qualities to each male.
So if we fell in love with a jerk, it is easy to imagine that all his defects appear in all men because of that gender stereotype.
Therefore, we view all men as “motherf*ckers”; we draw a rigid profile of what a man is, ignoring the individuality of each man. This is called “misandry”, and it leads to us missing the boy that stands in front of us, the one we might like so much.
How to Understand Men?
Learning often begins with unlearning. It is time to forget what we believe we know about men.
We should put aside our magazines full of relationship advice and even our experiences. Perhaps it’s necessary to take a fresh look at EACH guy. By dumping our baggage, we give men the chance to surprise.
So let’s stop projecting our old ideas about what being a man is, so we can get to know each new man. Each new man represents himself, not all men and that’s really the point. With fresh curiosity, we can ask each man about his tastes, aspirations, beliefs; his way of living in the world.
In short, ” I know that I know nothing” is sometimes the best posture to adapt to a new meeting, romantic or not.
Make Guy Friends!
The best and most practical way to understand men is to meet them. You may wonder how to meet men, but it’s really not that hard if you forget your assumptions about them.
And despite all the ambiguities that sometimes arise, friendships between men and women can be treasures of knowledge and discovery. Developing friendships is a great way to peer beneath the manly surface.
Another bonus to friendship: The more men that surround us, the more at ease we feel with them. They seem less strange to us. This allows a man to get out of the category of “that guy” and instead become John, Gareth, David, Domingo … he becomes unique.
This means they are not all alike. (And this is so much better!)
Man and Love
Pals, friends, and colleagues reveal how the man they know, “the boy”, differs from the “boy in love.”
Yes, the man in the relationship differs from the man by himself or with others (as the woman in the relationship differs from the woman by herself or with others.)
If the men we love behave the same in both instances, it is usually because of things WE put up with, things like their expectations, plans, behaviors, and commitment issues (it is more or less true that men sometimes put up with women in the same way.)
In addition, as love blossoms even the least idealized among us suffers blurred vision. We see Prince Charming rather than the actual man, so we overlook things that later on cause problems.
If we refuse to see the real person, both Paul and Peter may seem strangely familiar when we meet them at different times.
Finally, if they love us, they may change something of their personality so as to be accepted by us.
Many misunderstandings that arise between men and women are not from intrinsic differences, but from the complexity of love itself.
The essence of love often creates the paradoxical feeling of being intimate and distant at the same time, a “close strangeness”. Love reveals all similarities and differences between two people. The similarities are usually never a problem and sometimes even the differences pose no problem. But sometimes, differences prove shockingly mysterious.
Male or female no longer exists. All that remains is an interaction with another person, a person different from you and everyone else.